December 2009
102 posts
“Who are you? No one wants you here.” That is how I feel about 2009!...”
– max silvestri
1 tag
i'm crawling away to the sea
Jason Isbell is quickly becoming one of my favorite songwriters/artists. his music and lyrics are just plain wonderful. scrumtrilescent, if i may.
and slowly i’ve become completely smitten. i mean look at him, a mixture of a bull and the animated Moon on the simpsons (which i tried endlessly to find an image of for proof. no luck). definitely not traditionally what i go for, but the...
White volunteer tutor from Princeton: So imagine I'm trying out for the basketball team...
Black student #1: You play basketball?
Black student #2: Do you play tennis?
Black student #1: That's racist!
Older black man: How's you mother?
20-something white man: She died in January.
Older black man: I'm very sorry to hear that.
20-something white man: Thanks. She left me her rent-controlled apartment!
so i loved it. sue me. Clooney’s character really clicked with me. i loved his isolated/surrounded life. i think i could be very happy like that for a few years. not forever, mind you, but i see the appeal in it even if it was glamourized.
so Reitman’s got a 2/3 from me. but almost a 3/3. i wasn’t crazy about Juno but only because of the story. his directing was splendid. and...
20-something girl to mom: If I had a million dollars, I would spend 90% of my time watching tv, or doing nothing, like playing on the computer.
Mom: See? That is the type of attitude we need to talk about, you should want something!
20-something girl: Okay, I will read books.
Mom: (sighs)
“In all of my years I’ve never heard anyone say ‘oh shit, I followed my dreams!’”
– Frank Clemente
(914): my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
(315): if you think for one second that i’m not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Wife: The Titanic sank for hours?!
Husband: No, the sign says the Titanic sank four hours. Over a thousand people died.
Wife: Why didn't they just get on the life boats?
(715): i just got a clause named after me in the ‘alcohol and drug use’ section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
(404): My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that “this is all you need to know about America.”
(303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren’t burritos.
(717): I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine…
(386): You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
(617): sounds like you fell off the wagon. (1-617): fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
(585): you tried to arm wrestle for the title of “mom’s favorite son”
(941): my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
(917): My psychiatrist is “consulting” others. I am high-achieving nuts.
(630): i wanna have a kid now so by the time he’s 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if only we could all be so lucky... →
it's a time for wearing outfits! →
(605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
(904): I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
WatchSHAKING AND CRYING
i love this oh so much
(715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree….not great but still made the cut.
(818): he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
streamland:
Ryan Adams and The Cardinals, “Happy...
(240): taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
brr.
if i had a working camera, i would take a picture of the snow that has trapped me inside this house. i’m cold just looking at it.
-me.
Gregalogue 12/18/09
So many in the media are delighting in the stupidity of the Jersey Shore cast. Just recently, Jay Leno had them on a quiz bowl, and the audience - buoyed by their own perceived superiority - chortled at their various mistakes.
But I ask: who’s dumber: the Jersey Shore cast, or those who call the Jersey Shore cast dumb?
The answer is the latter, which i think means...
(904): the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
(703): So I had a Liz Lemon moment today….went to Chipotle to get my “cheer me up” burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
native tongue: part 2
courtesy of Gawker’s Jersey Shore recap
The Situation: “A bra is the same as a bathing suit.”
The Situation: “We’re going to have sex. That’s the situation.”
The Situation: “I’m like, ‘Chill out, Freckles McGee.’”
The Situation:”If you’re not hitting the gym for an hour or so, then you’ll have a problem,...
“Then, The Grenade so masterfully c*ck blocks the Situation that, I don’t even...”
– Michelle Collins
Jersey Shore recap
“I tell you what, for a guy who loves recklessly shooting women with guns and...”
– Drew Magary
re: Marshmallow World
Gay guy #1: Nice shoes!
Gay guy #2: Thanks. I got them by doing sexual favors... just like everything else I own.
(905): when your english prof writes “this was a real good paper” on your essay, you know you’re at the wrong college
(404): best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
(330): just had dinner with my dad’s new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she’s 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings